No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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