you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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