this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I had to cum in my sink.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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