margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
