Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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