Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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