Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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