Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
