um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
