I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
