I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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