My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just invented taco cereal.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
