Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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