I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
