Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
