My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
