I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
