Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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