I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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