My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize