I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
