bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
