it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
