32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize