i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize