So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
