His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
