I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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