I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
