New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize