My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
