I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
