How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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