life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
