I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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