never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
