Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
