i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
