I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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