My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
