I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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