at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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