I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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