In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
