Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
