question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
