Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize