last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
