i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
