I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
