finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
