Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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