He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
