In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
