; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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