Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
