I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
