someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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