Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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