I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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