I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
