bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
