She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
