Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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