Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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