White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
