i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize