No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize