I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
