he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
