You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
