i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
