no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
