I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
