So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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