Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
