oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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