Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
