i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
