plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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