remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
