I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
