If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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