All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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