me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
