My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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