I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
