i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
