Pappa wants mamma naked
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
