my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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