Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize