I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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