I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
