that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
